first blog~!=ppp be a happy happy girl.

hellohellohello!=DDD

hellohellohello!=DDD hellohellohello!=DDD hellohellohello!=DDD

i set up a blog! but i think i'm lazyyy to maintain it laa huhh. haha. but at least its a channel for voicing out my thoughts, for venting, for blah blah blah. at least a way to let things out. a way to make you guys worry about me lesser. i'm hoping this first entry wont be a really long one. TRY.=ppp

gotta toughen myself up this time. cannot fall back into the same old cycle. not letting things out. not wanting you all to worry. but there's emo attacks. late at night. thinking of you thinking of everyth we've been through. everywhere i go. everyth reminds me of you. ought to let myself slowly let things go. difficult but necessary.

haha. some damage cannot be reversed. some hurt cannot be undone. some pain will be there forever.

but like what nat said. happiness is yours to control. i'm trying my best to be like that. to not let myself wallow in it. to not let myself keep falling back in it. its very difficult. i think of the start how were together. 2years ago. when we were happily msging each other, able to talk about everyth. how you encouraged me to take the step forward. how on 010307 you grabbed my hand and we were together. how on 200207 you told me you like me. how the 2years with you started. 2years of my life. its a happy chapter no matter what happened between us. i know if you read this, you will disapprove of what i'm doing. of telling everyone whats happening. but i trying this way so i can get things out of me, so i dont keep bottling up. i'm sorry. i haven even been crying out. boo. i know i'm not being normal. i know i'm taking things too well. abnormally well. last night. i was reminded of a certain someone who badmouthed me at the start of us. i hate that. you dont go round telling people's bf tales. things that are not true at all. its just plain evil laa. you dont even know me. dont badmouth me. you idiot. you bitch. boo.=X haiz. but then again. things are over. i shouldnt be bothered by them. i look at our photos. we took a lot. haha. i wonder why. i'm not photogenic. i always dont look as good as you. but taking photos was fun. it keeps memories. so you can look back and smile when you see the photos. but last night i couldnt smile. i saw the photos and i cried and cried and cried. i couldnt control it. i couldnt stop the tears from falling. photos from 3months ago, we were still smiling happily. then look at now. everyth is over. nothing will come back. i still rmb day2 of cny. when we met. when you hug me and kiss me the way i like. but that will never come back i know. it will just be locked up in my heart. i look at the necklace you gave me. the one that says you love me. but then again. i know i'll never hear it again. i look at the bears on my bear. you were my big brown bear. haha. dont rmb who started the bear thing. i'm thankful for the happy memories we had. thanks for everyth. i hope i was a good gf to you. i hope i didnt disappoint you a lot. but i know i made you angry a lot of times. so much things happened between us. i'm sorry for grad night. sometimes i really cannot figure out whyy/how we end up in arguements. i can rmb all the dates that special things took place. the days of big quarrels. i know we didnt start with blessings with a lot of people. those people that didnt think we will last, should be happy and glad now. you taught me not to bother too much with what other people are thinking and just believe in it. i learnt it. maybe both of us are selfish. maybe both of us are stubborn. mayb we are just not meant to be. time will pass. wounds will heal. i dont want you to emo. i dont want you to be unhappy. your birthday presents. still with me. i'll pass them to you. b4 you go to taiwan. i have to. someth i have to do. maybe a form of closure. maybe. i duno. but i know i have to do it. dardar. thanks. and sorry. i think my blog entry and the tittle doesnt match. so emo. but i agree. its a good way to let things out. thanks kellyn. i'm trying hard to mug. trying hard not to think too much. but late nights suck. late nights give you emo attacks. yuckk.

to you: be happy okayy. dont emo le. jiayous jiayous okay! i cannot be around you to cheer you up, to jiayous for you, to make your day, to always be there for you. things wont ever be back to how they were. after trying for so many times (i know you gave your best), thanks for everyth. thanks for your love, thanks for your care and concern, thanks for your tolerance. sorry for all the unhappy moments. i owe you a very big thank you for making me a better person than before. dont so stubborn le laa. be nice to girls. yao xing fu okayyy.........

**i'm sorry for it being so freaking long.=ppp thanks for bearing with it. if you read till the end.